Lessons I learned from my mom
My mom passed away Christmas Eve morning. We had hospice coming to the house for about 3 weeks, so she died where she wanted to. At home.
My mom (along with my dad) was my biggest supporter. She wrapped soap for me, came to visit when I was at local events and set her alarm for my Facebook 4 o’clock Live. My customers knew her from my SOAPen House and would tell me how much they enjoyed talking with her. She’d brag about me at the Senior Center, and I was invited to make soap with the seniors.
My grief comes in waves, and when I’m sad I remember the lessons I learned from my mom.
Save your money
Mom was a big believer in saving money. She and my dad were frugal. There was always money for important things (food, doctor visits) but if you didn’t have the money for a new TV, you didn’t buy one till you did. “Pay off your charge cards every month.” “Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.” “When you get a raise at work, bank it, don’t spend it.”
I did exactly this when I went from working part time to working full time as my kids got older. I banked half my paycheck. When Brian got the bad news his employer was moving operations to Canada, we had an emergency fund to fall back on.
Be the peacemaker
Mom was not confrontational. If you have a difference of opinion with someone and it wasn’t important, they don’t need to know. There were plenty of family members who didn’t speak to other family members, but my parents said they were Switzerland. If she got offended at something someone said, she didn’t mention it. As she got older, she became a little more opinionated, but she was still a peacemaker.
I try to live my life the same way. I have a habit of being judgemental, and I try to keep it to myself. It’s hard though. So I put a little swing on it. “Forgiving you means I no longer dwell on what an a$$hole you are. It doesn’t mean you are no longer an a$$hole”. It allows me to let go of things that upset me, but there’s that judgement coming out. I never could do it as well as mom did.
Family is the only thing that matters
Family comes first. Always. There was no choice for my mom. Anything other than family really wasn’t important anyway.
Mom loved the show “Blue Bloods” so every Sunday, we had a “Regan” family dinner. Except we didn’t use the good china. And we didn’t always cook. Sometimes, we ordered in. But we were all together and that is what mattered to her. My sisters and I would make sure she saw one of us every day. We took her to high tea (see the picture above) and to the park. It didn’t matter where we went.
Always use the bathroom before you leave the house
Cause, hey, it makes sense.
What lesson did you learn from your mom?
Yours in Gratitude,
Angela
What a beautiful tribute to your Mom Angela. (I can certainly use some of that wisdom of hers as well!)
Thanks Gay. Mom enjoyed seeing you at the SOAPen House and holidays.
My Mom taught me to confront conflict and problems. Do not let them fester. When there was an issue with family, friends or neighbors, she went right to the source and cleared it up. But that takes guts. And it really makes sense because if you fix something immediately it doesn’t stay broken. She was the first in war, but also the first in peace. She also taught me to not be judgmental. My Dad was worried about my “hippie” faze and she blew it off. She knew me well enough to know that I would “grow out of it”. And I did. Sort of. She was ill, in many ways, but not a complainer. She had invested so much in her children and Pop, that in the last 10 years of her life it was easy for all of us to take care of her. She was a bright, capable, beautiful woman. Strong, but never dictatorial. My Dad, too, taught me many things. He was alone for the last 5 years of his life and I saw him a lot. AND I got to spend the last five weeks of his life with him when I got a family leave from work. He had invested so much in me: emotionally, intellectually and financially that it was easy for me to help him leave this life as smoothly as possible. Those last five weeks were so important. To him, of course. But selfishly, I think to me. They were so important I wrote a book about that time. It’s called Drunk Socks. Google it! My love to you and your family, Angela!! – Danny
Danny I remember talking to you about your dad a few weeks ago when I told you what my mom had decided to do. I’m so grateful mom allowed us to care for her, it was a gift, just like you said. Hugs.
My heart hurts for you, so sorry for your loss. I never met your Mom, but I loved “seeing” her on your FB lives. When I sent you some pralines and you shared with her, that was so sweet that you shared the with me. Your Mom was full of wisdom and some very valuable life lessons…I especially love the last one…use the bathroom before you leave the house! That reminds me when potty training our little ones, we did this, but as they and we got older not so much. Im going to remember that every time I leave the house.
What a blessing your Mom was to you and your sisters. Thanks for sharing a little of her wisdom with us.
She loved that praline Sandy! She was so excited to taste something from Louisiana. Thanks you for sending them.
Your Mom sounds wonderful! You are so blessed to have her. She will always be with you in your heart, your thoughts. I can empathize with the hole you are feeling without her physical presence but I hope your beautiful memories can bring you and your family some comfort.
Thanks Connie. I have so many wonderful memories of both my parents. When I get sad, I think about them, especially the funny ones. Mom dried oregano from the garden and labeled it “Pot”. We found it when we were going through her pantry and laughed so hard we started crying. She had a great sense of humor.
Angela, As you know, my Mom slipped from this life into everlasting life on Jan 5, 2021. The way you describe your Mom – she & my Mom are sitting up in Heaven, watching over us & they are new best friends. My mother was part of the ‘Greatest Generation’ – grew up poor and even though she & Pop were married for 74 years and my Dad made a comfortable living for them, she was the most frugal person I ever knew. Humble, kind, loving, etc. combined w/ a strong faith that God would guide her steps & answer her prayers for her family. (And, He always did)
The Life Lesson I hope to carry forward to make this world a little more caring….
My mom was 99 years old. We no longer had ‘babies’ in the family – most of the Great Grandchildren were grown. But, every Sunday morning, my mother would spend hours cutting Diaper coupons from the print newspaper. When I took her to the grocery store on Monday mornings, she would head directly over to the Baby aisle and place the coupons under the appropriate Diaper Brand (Pampers, Huggies, etc)
I asked her once why she still did that – her answer was simply, “New mommies have it hard. I had to handwash cloth diapers. The new moms have disposables but they are so expensive. I’m just trying to help.”
I want to be a “Helper” too. In honor of my Mom.
Shelly this is beautiful. My mom was 85 and I think our moms would have gotten along very well. I love what she did with the diaper coupons and once I’m done sending mine to my daughter, I’m going to honor both our mothers by doing the same. Thank you for sharing these wonderful memories.